Well....I have been sitting on this news for a couple of weeks because I wasn't sure what to say. This may be a bit long.
Rewind to April 2004. My husband had his first of several strokes. We had to move into town from the mountains, my favorite place. And my son was doing basic training in the Army National Guard.
Fast forward a bit to September of 2004....I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Had chemo that wiped me out. Surgery that left the 'girls' lop-sided, (they're both still there just not exactly twins anymore). More chemo. Then radiation that was a piece of cake compared to the chemo. It took an entire year to get through it. Then I also had to take an estrogen blocking pill for 5 years to starve off any cancer cells that were still hanging around. And my son got deployed to Iraq just after Christmas. He was very worried about me and didn't want to go. But he went and we emailed every day except when they had communication black outs.
So life went on. In the mean time my husband had several more strokes, kidney failure and went on dialysis. He is also diabetic and we have problems with high blood sugar. I have become a 24/7 CNA because there are many things that he can not do for himself. And if you don't know what a CNA does google it. Or NAC they are called now. Everything they get to do I do. EVERYTHING. I have been doing this for a couple of years.
Also mom is in a nursing home and gets anxiety attacks and calls me every 5 mins of day or night sometimes. And sister is in a home, finally, but still has problems that I have to deal with. Whew! Makes me tired just thinking of all this.
Twelve years later January-February 2017...it's baaaaaack.
Few months ago in September I had pneumonia and it just kept wearing me down. And it wouldn't go away. Had a second xray in January. It didn't look good so the Dr ordered a CT. There is fluid around one lung and a few tumors scattered about both lungs. I have a procedure set for next Tuesday to get some or all of the fluid drained. If we are lucky there will be enough to examine and find out type of cancer and what stage it is. Cancer Dr is saying 95% sure that it is the breast cancer again. After we find out then he will start treatment.
He said that I won't have chemo or radiation this time. He will have me take two pills on a daily basis for a while. Ok no chemo, that's ok with me. No radiation, that's ok with me too. I just need to ask more about how the meds work, how long, and other stuff I don't remember at the moment. I am not really worried about it. I guess I should be. I wasn't worried the first time. All I asked then when I found out was ...ok so what do we do next?
My only problem is that I need to rest and get my strength back. Taking care of my husband has wore me out. And I need to get him to understand that I can't do it anymore. He has to go to a nursing home so they can take care of him. I need to not have any " have to's" in my life now. Like when he wants something I HAVE TO get it. Or when he has a "accident" I HAVE TO take care of him.
I need to be able to not do something if I don't feel well enough to do it. I need to be able to make appts without having to make them around his dialysis schedule or worry about leaving him home alone for too long if the Dr has only one appt time available.
Ok, I'm done. Sorry this is so long and so disjointed and that all I am doing is whining (sp?). And sorry this is horrible for some of you to hear. Or that it makes you upset. I guess I just needed to get it all out.
Besides all this....life is good. God is good. And I am glad that He is always there for me. :) I don't know how anyone could get through something like this without Him. It would be so hard for them. :(
Thank you for stopping by and always being here for me too :) I love to read your comments. It makes my day. And I love stopping by to see you too. My sweet talented blogging friends. OXO
Take care. Have a great weekend. God Bless
Janet, I am so sorry sweet friend that you have so much on you. I will pray for your healing and for you to have peace and strength to do what you have to do. I wish I could give you a big hug. Life is just so hard sometimes, I know the Lord will get you through all of this. Take care of yourself. Bunches of hugs, Lecia
ReplyDeleteThank you dear Lecia, means a lot that you stopped to tell me that. :) Hugs back
DeleteI will continue to pray!!! Hugs, Lecia
DeleteAwww...Janet. I am so sorry you are going through so much to begin with and now have cancer AGAIN! I am glad you understand God is in control but we also have to take a bit of control...and I think that is where you KNOW you have to get your hubby into a facility of some kind. If you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of him...plus your mom...plus your sister. You are just plain worn out--and I am sure your immune system is at an all time low. PLEASE do what you have to do. I know it won't be easy to put him in a nursing home. Any chance he can get into the same place your mom is in? Then you could visit both when, and as, you can.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, Janet. You are in my prayers. xo Diana
Thank you Diana for stopping by. And for your prayers. Yes it would be good to get him into the same place where mom is but the other option is just down the road a few blocks from there. All I have been doing the past few days is being tired and sleeping. Gosh I feel so lazy. I will be fine. We will get official diagnosis on Friday I hope and get the ball rolling.
DeleteTake care, hugs
Janet I am so sorry that you have this situation. I will pray very much for you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can get the help and rest you need.
You must look after yourself as it will be for your family members too.
Sending a big hug,
xxx Alex
Hi Alex, thank you for your kinds thoughts and prayers. I hope all is well with you. Haven't been by to see you in forever. Im sorry about that. I will try to stop by sometime soon. Take care :)
Delete